Stretcher!
Again by Jefferson.
Five, four, three, two, one!
- There's nothing to eat here. - What do you mean?
- Take a look. There's nothing I can eat. - Get a trout dog.
Forget it. Do you have any fish here that isn't breaded?
- It's all prepared the same way. - Get a whaler.
Or a clamwich.
Ever hear the word blemish? Want me to eat something fried?
- Let's get outta here. - Let's go.
Thank you. Come again, and have a nice day.
I sent a letter to Doug today. Can't wait 'til he gets out here.
- What's Doug doing in Chicago? - He works for the airline. You'll meet him.
Oh, Linda, you have to do this.
- What? - "Rate Your Mate."
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- Let me test Doug. - Okay.
"Most satisfactory lovemaking occurs:
"A, when your mate climaxes first.
B, you climax first. C, you and your mate climax together?"
Climax together.
This is gonna be great, Rat.
It's like the highlight of their day.
Maybe we oughta call first. I don't know about dropping in like this.
Are you kiddin'? We're gonna surprise 'em.
Just fix your collar, all right?
Relax. Just be cool. Attitude, remember?
- Where'd you get that, the hamper? - Hey, this is clean.
It's like riding a bike. You fall off, you get right back on.
You mess up a date, do it again!
- Do you always climax with Doug? - Yes.
I think so. He's no high school boy.
Hey!
Come over to help you with your math homework.
Figured you could use it on such a hot day.
Don't worry. They're gonna let us in.
Okay.
- Promise you're going to leave as soon as my mother gets home. - Okay.
- Linda, this is Mike and Mark. - How you doin'?
The water looks great. Check it out.
Looks fine. Wai...
Very funny! Very funny!
- Lin, come in! - I'll teach you to dive.
I used to be a champion, you know.
Does Mom know you have company?
It's just Mark and Mike from school.
- Hi. - How ya doin'?
- Hi, Linda. - Hi, Brad.
Ow!
Uh, could you keep it down? I have work to do inside.
Okay.
Who's his tailor?
God, he hardly even talks anymore.
Yeah, I know. He hates wearing a uniform.
Rat, show them how you can stand up underwater.
? Da-um-da-um-da-um?
What are you doing?
- Watch out, Rat! - Leave me alone!
All right, Damone, you're gonna get it.
Hi, Brad.
You know how cute I always thought you were.
Stacy, do you have Q-tips? I've got water in my ears.
I don't know. Check in the house.
Wait. Just a minute.
Doesn't anybody fucking knock anymore?
In 1898, Spain owned Cuba outright.
Think about it.
Cuba owned by a disorganized parliament 4,000 miles away.
Cubans were in a constant...
Cubans were in a constant state of revolt.
In 1904...
the United States decided to throw weight around...
- Who is it? - Mr. Pizza Guy.
- Again? - Mr. Pizza Guy, sir.
- Who ordered the double cheese and sausage? - Right here, dude.
For you, dude.
Am I hallucinating? What in the hell do you think you're doing?
Learning about Cuba, and having some food.
Mr. Spicoli, you're on dangerous ground.
You're causing a major disturbance on my time.
I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand.
If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it "our" time?
There's nothing wrong with a feast on "our" time.
You're absolutely right. It is our time.
Yours, mine and everyone else's in this room.
But it is my class. Hamilton, Brandt, Cornfeld, up front!
Mr. Spicoli has been kind enough to bring us a snack.
Be my guest. Help yourselves.
Get a good one.
- Mike? Mike? Hi. - Hi.
- How you doing? - Good. How are you?
I hate walking. I have to walk every day. It's such a drag.
Why don't you get a ride with somebody?
Sometimes I ride with my brother, but he works mornings.
- Then he drives himself to school. - What a guy!
Listen, Mark Ratner really likes you.
- Do you like him? - Mark is really nice.
But I think I like you.
Well, uh... this is me.
- Do you have any iced tea? - Yeah, sure.
Come on in.
The annuals are coming out pretty soon.
- You gonna get one? - I don't know.
Oh, come on. Aren't you curious to see how your picture turned out?
- I know what I look like. - I know.
But it's nice to have pictures of your friends and stuff.
I don't know. Maybe. It's no big deal.
I probably will.
Must be nice having a pool.
- You want to go swimming? - Yeah, sure.
- I'm going to go change, okay? - Yeah.
Okay, great.
This is great iced tea.
- Come on. - Huh?
Brad keeps his stuff in the change room.
- This is nice. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - These'll fit you.
- You're really a good kisser. - Yeah?
So are you.
You want to take off your clothes, Mike?
You first.
Both of us at the same time.
Okay.
She's gonna be somebody's only light
Gonna shine tonight
Yeah, she's gonna be somebody's baby tonight
I try to shut my eyes but I can't get her out of my sight
I know I'm gonna know it but I gotta get over my fright
- Wait. - I'm just gonna walk up to her
- I'm gonna talk to her tonight - M-Mike! Mike!
Are you okay?
Ahh.
I think I came. Didn't you feel it?
Yeah. I guess I did.
I gotta go, Stacy.
I've really gotta go.
- See ya. - Bye.
Linda, how long does Doug take?
- Doug takes forever. - Come on.
He takes, uh... 20 to 30 minutes.
I thought you said he took 30 to 40 minutes.
That's right. I'm sorry. I meant 30 to 40 minutes.
How long did Damone take?
Damone took, uh... 15 to 20 minutes.
That's not bad for a high school boy.
Raised on the radio
Yeah, I was raised on the radio
Just like an all-American boy
- Mike! Hi! - Hi.
- God, I haven't seen you for a while. - Yeah.
- In a hurry. Got stuff I gotta do. - I'm in a hurry too.
- I just thought I'd say hi to you. - Hi.
Hamilton, I'll take over the fryer for a while.
Those boys at I.B.M. Ordered a stack of those Catch-of-the-Day boxes.
- I told them you would personally deliver them within the hour. - Aye, aye, sir.
Hamilton, come over here.
- What are you doing? - I'm changing.
You took off your Captain Hook uniform.
I thought I'd put street clothes on for the drive to I.B.M.
The uniform's uncomfortable.
You're going there as a representative of Captain Hook Fish and Chips.
Part of our image, part of our appeal is that uniform. You know that.
You want me to put the stuff back on?
Yes, I do. Show a little pride.
Aye, aye, sir.
Talk on the phone Call up the coast
Call it collect Dial direct
Reverse the charges If they accept, they're home
Or you can go overseas Speak Japanese
Buy a new Sony They make great TVs
Do the Watusi Watch I Love Lucy too
But don't let nobody
Tell ya that there's nothin' to do
Well, well, well, well Don't let nobody
Tell ya that there's nothin' to do
Dina, can you honestly tell me that you forgot?
Forgot the magnetism of Robin Zander or the charisma of Rick Nielsen?
- That's kid stuff. - Kid stuff?
How 'bout the tunes? I want you to want me
The dream police Da-na-na-na-na-na
Your mama's all right Your daddy's all right
- They just seem a little bit weird - Mike? Mike?
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Stacy, I'm doing business. Call me tonight, all right?
No. I've gotta talk to you now. Okay?
Don't go away.
Look at 'em.
I hope this is important because I could be blowin' a big deal.
Mike, I just...
I just want you to know that I'm pregnant.
How do you know it's mine? We only did it once.
I haven't been with anybody else. I know it's yours.
Jesus! It was your idea.
You wanted to do it. You wanted it more than I did.
No. Take that back.
All right. I take it back.
Look, we gotta do somethin' about it.
I mean, uh, we gotta get an abortion.
My brother Art got his girlfriend one once. It's simple.
- It's no big deal. - Yeah. I got that planned.
It's going to cost $150 at the Free Clinic.
Doesn't sound free to me.
I suppose you want me to pay for it.
Half, okay? And a ride to the clinic.
Seventy-five dollars and a ride.
Okay.
Okay. Thanks.
Thank you.
God.
Rick, I need that $50 you owe me.
- Don't have it. - I know times are tight, but I really need it.
- Don't have it now. - When you needed the tickets, I got 'em for you.
So close to stage you probably scared the band.
I'm not the Bank of America.
I know you're not the Bank of America, but I need my $50.
- How about Thursday? - Thursday's too late. I need it tonight.
Can't give you what I don't have.
Just forget about it. I'll get it from you Thursday, okay?
All right. See ya.
Flowers
And the vine
Take me
Sleeping angel
Catch me when you can
Feel love better
Heavy steps for a woman
And a man
Is Mike there? This is Stacy.
Hold on, please.
Stacy, he says he's helping his father in the garage.
He'll call you later.
Brad!
Wait a second.
- Yeah, this is it. We're just going bowling. - Okay.
- Thanks a lot. - See you later.
Okay.
- How we doing in here? Debbie, you ready to leave? - Yes. Thank you.
Stacy, I can't let you go unless you have a ride home.
- Oh. I told my boyfriend to meet me downstairs. - Okay.
Thanks.
Brad.
Since when do you go bowling anyway?
Okay, Brad. Please don't tell Mom and Dad.
Come on! Who did it?
You're not gonna tell me, are you?
Okay. It'll just be your secret.
Okay.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Come on.
- You hungry? - Yeah.
I told you to tell Mike to pay for it. Why didn't you tell him?
Linda, he didn't show up.
That little prick!
I called his house.
His mother told me he was in the garage helping his father.
Mike Damone's a no-brain little prick, Stacy.
I'm not gonna let him get away with this.
Linda, please don't do anything. I don't even like the guy.
Stacy, he's not a guy. He's a little prick!
I can't explain the way I feel
Each time I get behind the wheel
A rush of blood comes after power surges
And my right foot urges the car to push
Hi, Mikey!
Hi, Damone.
Damone, what went on between you and Stacy?
Let me tell you something. Sometimes girls go haywire.
It happened a month ago. I've been trying to think of a way to tell you ever since.
We were out... messin' around, and something happened.
It's over. It's no big deal.
I never even called her again.
If you ask me, she's a very aggressive girl.
- Do you understand? - No, I don't understand.
- She never really was your girlfriend. - Fuck you, Damone.
There are a lot of girls out there, and you have to mess around with Stacy?
What do you gotta prove, anyway?
I'm sorry.
I always stick up for you.
Whenever people say, "That Damone, he's a loudmouth," and they say that a lot,
I always say, "Hey, you just don't know Damone."
When they call you an idiot, I say, "Damone's not an idiot. You just don't know him."
Well, you know something, man? Maybe they do know you pretty good.
Maybe I'm just finding out now.
Get lost.
You want to do something about it, Rat?
You want to do something about it? Come on.
- Come on, you wuss! - Okay. Let's go, man.
- I'll break your fuckin' head off. - Do something, man.
- A big talker, man! - Knock this crap off!
Take it somewhere else.
Not in my gym, buddy.
Shit.
Woke up in a great mood. I don't know what the hell happened.
Come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Today we're going to explore how this hospital preserves human life.
We'll be visiting every floor where these fine doctors and nurses...
take care of us in life... and in death.
Over 30 children are delivered here each day.
Dr. Kramer to the nurses' station.
- Good morning, Doctor. - Hi.
Class, this is Dr. Miller.
He'll be joining us for the last part of our tour today.
If you guys will follow me, please.
I'd like to ask you one last time.
Conduct yourselves with the utmost maturity.
- You in my class? - I am today.
- Yes, Greg? - Who are these guys?
Most of them are derelicts.
They sold their bodies to medicine for money.
- About $30, I think? - Twenty-five.
Righteous bucks!
This gentleman here is named Arthur.
Arthur was good enough to die last week of heart failure.
We are fortunate today to view his body...
in its pristine state.
Here an incision has been made.
The ribs have been sawed off,
allowing us to remove the breastplate...
and really observe the human organs as they exist in their natural state.
Here we have the human lungs.
And here is the human heart which, you can see,
is actually located in the center of your chest.
Ohh! Gnarly!
Are you okay?
Yeah. I'm fine.
- I just made a jerk out of myself. - No, you didn't.
Can't go back in there.
Sure. We'll wait until they come out, and then we'll blend in.
Here they come.
You're so nice.
I don't know, I don't know which way I should go
I don't know
I don't know, I don't know if I'm high or I'm low
I don't know
I don't know, I don't know if I'm high or I'm low
I don't know
You should be comin' on pretty soon, dude. How much did you smoke?
This'll be a little demonstration of that.
Listen up.
- What was that? - That was my skull.
- - I'm so wasted!
Oh, man!
What is this stuff?
Doesn't that stuff cause brain damage?
- Only if you take it every day for a month. - Bitchin'!
- Dude, I'll pick you up in the van and go to the dance. - Later.
Jeff, you have company.
Get out of here, Curtis. I don't hear you unless you knock.
That's better. Entre.
Mr. Hand!
Well, were you going somewhere tonight, Jeff?
Yeah. The graduation dance.
It's the last school fiesta of the year.
Hmm. I'm afraid we've got some business to discuss here.
Did I do something wrong, Mr. Hand?
According to my calculations, Mr. Spicoli,
you wasted a total of, uh, eight hours of my time this year.
And rest assured, that is a kind estimate.
Now I have the unique pleasure of squaring our account.
Tonight you and I are going to talk in great detail about the Davis Agreement,
all the associated treaties, and the American Revolution in particular.
If you can turn to page 47 of Land of Truth and Liberty.
Oh, I left that book in my locker, Mr. Hand.
In that case, I'm glad I remembered to bring an extra copy... just for you.
He was a hardheaded man He was brutally handsome
And she was terminally pretty
She held him up and he held her for ransom
In the heart of the cold, cold city
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
Look, Mark.
I want to apologize for everything that's happened.
I'm really sorry.
A guy just doesn't do that to a buddy.
I understand. You can't help it.
You're just lewd, crude and obnoxious.
- I can deal with that. - Excuse me.
Are we still friends?
- Huh? - Okay.
All right.
What Jefferson was saying was, "Hey!
"We left this England place 'cause it was bogus.
"So if we don't get some cool rules ourselves... pronto,
we'll just be bogus too."
Very close, Jeff.
I think I've made my point with you tonight.
Do you have a guy like me in class every year?
You know, a guy who you make an example of?
- You'll find out next year. - No way!
As soon as I cruise history, I'm not coming near your side of the building.
- "Cruise history"? - Soon as I pass your class.
Ooh. If you pass.
You're gonna flunk me?
Don't worry, Spicoli. You'll probably squeak by.
Yeah! Aloha, Mr. Hand.
Aloha, Spicoli.
Honey, these are my two star students.
Boys, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Vargas.
Hi.
Summer! Yea!
Totally!
I wrote him a letter.
Tell me what you think. "Dear Doug.
"I received your message that you weren't coming to my graduation.
"Doug, this is not the kind of thing that occurs between adults.
"Maybe you've found someone new, someone more mature.
"But if you ask me, Doug, you're the one being childish.
"Anyhow, if you think I'm gonna sit around and wait for you, forget it.
- Sincerely, Linda." What do you think? - Uh...
I have another version where I call him an asshole.
No, that one's better. It's more...
- Mature? - Yeah.
- I don't have to sink to his level. - Yeah.
- I can go out with anyone I want, practically. - That's right.
Yeah. Thanks for cheering me up.
Come on.
Hey, dude! I know that song.
Hey, I'm not. I'm not.
Mattie told Hattie
About the things you do
Hey, come on down from there.
To wooly bully with you
- Wooly bully - Whaa!
Wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully Wooly bully
Wooly bully
Linda, I finally figured it out.
I don't want sex. Anyone can have sex.
- What do you want? - I want a relationship.
- I want romance. - You want romance?
In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, and you want romance.
Another summer at Perry's. I can't. I swear.
It's not that bad. Keep your eyes open.
There's lots of men around here.
As we strolled by the sea
Together
Under stars twinkling high above
So in love are we two
No one else but me and you
- So in love - Two so in love
- So much in love - Two so in love
- So in love - Two so in love
- Are you and I - Two, you and I
- So in love? - Hi.
- How you doin'? - Fine.
I'm glad you came over...
'cause I have this picture of me that I wanted to give to you...
so that you'll remember to call me over the summer.
I don't know. I'm going to be traveling a lot this summer and I'm not sure...
I'll give you a call sometime.
- That'd be great. - Stacy!
- You worked at All-American Burger! - Seven months ago.
Uh-huh. I knew it.
Why don't you get a job, Spicoli?
- What for? - You need money.
All I need are some tasty waves,
a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
Thanks. Can I use your bathroom?
Yeah, go ahead.
- It's the first door on the left. - Like up this ramp?
First door on the left.
Money, and I want it now. Now!
- Okay. Okay. Um... - Now!
What are you doin'?
The safe! Behind the doughnuts.
I've been watchin' this place. I know what I'm doin'.
- Open it up. Open it up! - Okay.
C'mon! C'mon!
I just started here. They just taught me the procedure and l...
Let me figure it out.
- Come on, shit head. Let's go. - Get off my case, motherfucker!
Hey, no towels, man.
- I got you, you son of a bitch. - Oh, motherfucker!
There goes your ride home.
Awesome! Totally awesome!
All right, Hamilton.
Oh, I know something
About the ways of loving
But I could tell you baby
That something's wrong
Look to the sky above and the mud below
Something's driving me crazy
Got to got to get away
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Without a doubt
I'm telling you I'm burnt out
My tank is running on empty
For far too long I need fuel
'Cause I'm getting so low
Something drives me crazy
So bad
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
I need fuel
Not the kind you give me
Makes me feel so bad
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Uh-huh
Goodbye, goodbye, Uh-huh
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
- I can't believe - I can't believe
- I'm still around - Still around
- It's getting kinda late - It's getting kinda late
- I'm gonna leave - Gonna leave
- For a change of scenery - For a change of scenery
- I'm going crazy - Going crazy
- It's not the same - It's not the same
- Since you've been around - Since you've been around
- I'm crazy - I'm crazy
- So crazy - So crazy
You treat me like a dirty clown
You're always kickin' my dog around
I never get nothin' but constant abuse from you
You couldn't care less what I think or my point of view
You're always puttin' the make on my friends, always giving them eyes
The dirty lies about me and you, well I'm through, it's the end of the line
Here's a ticket one way, Cincinatti I'm sendin' you home to your ma and your daddy
So don't try to call me You'll only be wastin' your time
Oh, I know something
About the ways of loving
And I tell you baby
That something's wrong
Look to the sky above and the mud below
Something drives me crazy
Got to got to get away
I need you but
Not your time Look at me
Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Uh-huh
OCR correction and sub synch by ShooCat Thanks to Addix for providing the original